Overcome Your Fear of Rejection

Rejection happens to all of us. Rejection hurts. It sucks! People want to belong and connect with others, but when they are rejected that creates a very unpleasant experience. The fear of rejection can keep us from taking risks that can lead to achieving our goals.

But remember, you’re not alone. Many people would prefer to die than being rejected. They can become depressed or sad and, as a result, such feelings might lead to a lot of unfortunate events in different parts of our society. If you want to overcome your fear of rejection, you need to understand that this is a pretty universal experience. 

What can cause rejection?

The causes of rejection can be small or big and they depend on the individual’s scale of values. What is a small thing for me can be a big thing for you and vice versa. Rejection can happen in different situations like personal relationships, academics, business or job related, and today’s millennials favorite… social media. Here, it’s very common for relationships to be born virtually, sometimes without close contact of any kind.

If you want to overcome your fear of rejection you need to analyze your reaction when such an event happens. The best way to modify your reactions is by studying yourself. This might be difficult and sometimes the opinion of a close friend or family can help describe if we are taking things too personally, or if we are overreacting to a given situation.

Also, rejection affects us in a way that is proportional to our level of self-confidence. If you are applying for a job and don’t get the call, it might mean a lot of things besides you not being qualified for the job. Maybe you were overqualified! Or maybe someone else beat you to the punch (timing). Every time you are rejected, you must remember your self worth, which will always match the right opportunity, at the right time. We cannot expect to have a perfect record and never be rejected. That would be like expecting a baseball player to bat a thousand or a basketball player to score every shot or free throw. The right opportunity will meet the right preparation at the right time, given the right circumstances.

It’s just an opinion!

When trying to overcome your fear of rejection remember this: rejection is just an opinion, not a fact.

Rejection is just an opinion, not a fact

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now… let’s get to work!!!

What is the underlying cause of your fear of rejection?

If you are afraid of romantic relations because you don’t want to feel lonely, you need to accept that, because that will give you something to work with. Then, you can work on finding the right strategy to widen your network of contacts, both professionally and personally. The more friends and colleagues you have, the less you will feel left out or passed on. More opportunities will show up for you, although there’s also more risk implied. Remember, if you want to overcome your fear of rejection, you need to face such fear. Without taking chances, nothing will happen. You will miss all the shots you don’t take!

And when it comes to handling rejections, you can be either your own best friend or worst enemy. Sometimes in order to get over the hurdles ahead you need to get out of your own way. Replacing negative self-talk with a positive mindset requires us to ignore the six year old inner child that keeps nagging us and preventing us from reaching our potential. Here’s where you need to reach out to your support network, no matter how small that is, to find encouragement and accountability to make the right decisions and take actions oriented towards designing a path of success. If you don’t have a support network, that is the first priority in your transformation journey.

Help is available

Sometimes the help you need can come from a mentor or coach, who will help you see the qualities you possess and then will guide you and work with you giving you valuable advice that will allow you to discover your passion and how to use your talents to conquer the obstacles ahead. Your coach will help you in the tough times and the good times, helping you keep your feet on the ground and your head in the game. But always remember, your path to success will not get forged overnight, it will take time, hard work and patience, but the reward will be amazing. The harder the challenge, the most satisfying the success will be!

The harder the challenge, the most satisfying the success will be

Do you see the glass half full or half empty? 

Your answer to the above question defines your mentality, and with the right mindset you will see a rejection as an opportunity instead of a problem. In my professional journey I set as a goal to have at least five job interviews every year. I apply to jobs that match my profile, but also to those for what I appear to be overqualified. The goal is to have the opportunity to plead my case to the hiring person, and to learn something out of each of them. Asking questions such as, “why is this position open?”, “what is the long term goal for this position?”, “what is your impression of my performance during this interview?”, “can you give me any advice to improve myself?”, allow me to understand the cause of rejection, if it happens, so I can work on my weaknesses.

When you are rejected, it’s OK to worry, as long as you also get to work.

Life is not fair, nor easy. Getting help is the best decision if you want to get better, and getting help while accepting your flaws is a brave thing to do. 

 

Alejandro Clavel is a Life and Career Coach. He specializes in Positive Mindset, helping people and businesses achieve their goals by providing tools and guidance to discover the limitless possibilities inside you! You can reach him by email at alejandro@alejandroclavel.com

 

 

 

 

Achieve your goals by keeping a positive mindset

Life is full of obstacles. We all face adversity. So, join the club! You’re not special or privileged to go thru life without any concerns. We all have issues that keep us in some degree of stress. We can’t control some of the things that happen to us in life, but we can control how we deal with them. So, if you want to achieve your goals, keeping a positive mind is really important. You owe it to yourself to release the power within and refuse to let such obstacles prevent you from becoming successful. There are a lot of examples of successful people who have faced struggles and at times they even wanted to give up.

You and I have been there, haven’t we?

By focusing on the opportunity instead of the obstacle, we can keep a positive mindset and produce great results, which not only benefit us, but also those around us, because we become an inspiration to them. Facing obstacles head on creates a strong mind, and those who we inspire can also apply our example and achieve their own dreams.

Getting help from a coach is an important step towards success. Coaching is a guiding journey where the coach helps the client to define powerful goals and then together lay the foundation to achieve them. It’s not about teaching, or applying a cookie-cutter approach, but instead is about empowering the client to take a good inside look and find the passion that will be the fuel to overcome any obstacles. And once the person learns how to break through obstacles, it becomes easy to reach those goals. The key is to have a plan.

Achieve your goals by keeping a positive mindset

The main reason for people to give up their goals is because they are not prepared to deal with the setbacks. They picture an ascendant straight line towards their dreams, and when the results are not what’s expected, the passion dies. Having realistic expectations includes planning for failures and their potential impact in the plan, which might have to be adjusted to help overcome the anxiety and frustration that comes with it.

No plan is perfect, but is better to have a faulty plan than having none. Reviewing our strategy requires a bold and honest view to continue doing what works and get rid of what doesn’t work. Here’s where the failures and the lessons learned become useful. It’s not about living in the past but using the experiences to prepare and conquer the future.

No plan is perfect, but is better to have a faulty plan than having none”

No plan is perfect, but is better to have a faulty plan than having none”

Success does not belong to the rich, or the highly educated. It belongs to those who make it a point to keep learning, keep trying, keep failing… and keep going… because after that is where success resides. You will achieve your goals by keeping a positive mindset and making your journey enjoyable.

Have a nice day!

 

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BOOK REVIEW – The 5AM Club: Own your morning, elevate your life.

BOOK REVIEW – The 5AM Club: Own your morning, elevate your life. By Robin Sharma, Adam Verner, et al.

This is a great book! It presents a good story on how to own your morning in order to conquer your day. It presents a similar approach to what’s known as the compound effect, where small increments lead to huge benefits in the long term.

The 5AM Club is a story where the lives of a billionaire, an artist and an entrepreneur get intertwined to produce a plethora of learning experiences and events that redefine and reshape the mindset of the last two, guided by the unorthodox yet appealing billionaire.

In audio format, this is an 11-hour book. It took me four days to listen to it entirely, but a couple of hours into I was psyched and hungry to keep learning more.

Event though this is depicted as a fiction story, the life lessons are real. I bought into this approach and I’m applying it myself.

In a nutshell, the book presents an approach to devote 1 hour a day to yourself. From 5AM to 6AM this is a time to practice the 20-20-20 method, which consist of 20 minutes of intensive exercise to the point of breaking a sweat, followed by 20 minutes of meditation and rest, and finally 20 minutes of deep learning about anything that improves your life.

A very important part of this is to jump right out of bed with no distractions, no technology, no news. It just you and you only. Resisting these temptations is a key component for this to work.

I’m just three days into this and I’m seeing good results already.

But, hey…this is not something new! It’s being said that it takes 21 days to develop a new habit, but it takes around 66 days to get such habit ingrained in our subconscious minds, so it becomes automatic.

I’ll share with you my results half-way thru to such period, to let you know what kind of progress I make. However, I want to share with you now a few quotes that I gathered from this book.

  • Change is hard at first… messy in the middle… but gorgeous at the end.
  • The moment you most feel like giving up is the instant when you must find it in you to press ahead.
  • One who sweats more in training bleeds less in war.
  • High victory is made in those early morning hours when no one is watching and while everyone else is sleeping.
  • To find your best self you need to lose your weak self and that only happens thru relentless improvement, continuous reflection and ongoing self-excavation.
  • The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live.

You can borrow it from your public library. Let me know if you need help with that.

Or you can get it on Amazon.

You’re welcome to join the club!

Have a nice day!

 

Alejandro